According to Cora

coryphee- (n) a leading dancer in a corps de ballet

The Salsa, Though

Beck from Beckandherkinks is having a HUGE blog-iversary giveaway of NINE toys! She’s been at it for two years now, and wants to celebrate by sharing the love with all of us.

I couldn’t possibly be more excited, because one of the items in the giveaway is the discontinued We-Vibe Salsa, which I have coveted for YEARS. It comes in white, which is elegant as fuck, and it’s smooth and rounded, unlike the tango. I like the pinpointed stimulation that the Tango and Salsa offer, but I prefer my toys smoother and rounder than the Tango, which has a flat, lipstick-like tip.

Among the other prizes, and also of interest to me, are LELO toy cleaner and lube (which I have and love), erotic literature, Spunk Lube, a glass plug with a tail, and nipple clamps.

But…. Salsa, guys. SALSA.

THE MONA GIVEAWAY OF MY DREAMS IS HERE

Epiphora has come to save us all from shitty vibrators with her massive 10-toy giveaway of Mona 2s!

#monaparty

And she’s just in time for vibe-ageddon, which is what I’m preparing for since my mother tossed my old vibe the other day. My current “vibrator” is my year-old silicone facial cleansing device by Foreo. It’s actually not half bad if all you want is a pleasant sensation, but it’s ergonomically designed for your face, not your clit, and it just doesn’t work for achieving orgasm or being used in conjunction with an insertable. My poor clit is feeling very neglected, because I’d gotten used to blended orgasms but now I’ve been reduced to high-effort g-spot orgasms. God, it’s awful, I know.

ANYWAY.

Epiphora’s giveaway is both a raffle and a contest. 5 of her entries will be randomly selected with a classic giveaway widget, where you can earn entries by tweeting about the giveaway, subscribing to her feed, following her on twitter, etc. However, the other 5 will be earned, not won, in a way. Epiphora will choose a winner for the most creative artistic representation of the Mona, a winner for best tweet, and two winners for “best sob story” (read: the most convincing reason to need a Mona 2).

The 10th Mona will be won during Epiphora’s hour-long #monaparty on twitter. At 4pm PST (7pm EST), Epiphora will spend an hour with us all on twitter asking trivia questions based on Lelo’s product page, her initial review, and her post about the glory of having two back-up Monas. Study up, folks!

Fucking Life, Man.

So a quick update:

I am no longer qualified for the full-time job I’ve been exceptionally good at for the past 2.5 years because I don’t have a bachelor’s degree. Substitute teaching apparently requires an education degree now? Because you should totally have to have a bachelor’s degree to work for $12/hour, 30 hours a week, with no guarantee of work and with no benefits. THAT makes sense. (If you can’t tell, my eyes are rolling into the back of my head so hard that I’m seeing stars.)

I’ve since lined up 2 part-time retail jobs, but I’m getting negligible hours scheduled¬†because that’s just my luck. I’ve also been in 2 separate not-at-fault car accidents recently, both involving blind driveways. My car was totaled in the second accident, and I had to go emergency car shopping.

Basically I have terrible luck, and I’m now broke as fuck. I can’t buy any more toys to review, so this blog will just be ramblings and miscellaneous thoughts for a while. I’m stuck living at home longer, because what I’d been saving for a down payment on a lease had to be spent on a car, and what I’d been saving for a Mona 2 was spent on taxes, charges, & fees for the car. And, unfortunately, I can’t afford the gas to travel to kink events anymore, so I’m only active on fetlife now. I really, really miss everyone. A lot. /sobs/

My parents agreed to allow me to have a lock on my door before I can get an apartment, but the one they bought is one of those dinky push¬†locks that are easily unlocked with a bobby pin. So of course, they can snoop anytime they want. And let me tell you, they’ve snooped, alright. They threw out my lingerie, my butt plug, and my old CalExotics vibrator (good riddance). They couldn’t find my nice dildos (thank god) because I have them hidden in hollow books, but the vibe and plug were under my pillow and were immediately sniffed out. You’d think that at age 22, they’d be more respectful of my adulthood and my privacy, but nope. They still have parental blocks on the server, and they still go through our shit and act like they own it all. Luckily I have my hollow books and my own data plan, so I can still get up to my porny shenanigans without stirring up too much discord.

A few other big things have happened, more emotional than logistical (I came out to myself as queer, I might be a little poly if the right people came along, I don’t want to have kids, I want to be celibate…), and those will get their own post. It’s all been kind of a lot for me though, so please, bear with me as I muddle through this next mediocre chapter of my life.