According to Cora

coryphee- (n) a leading dancer in a corps de ballet

Taking the Plunge

So…. I did it. I’ve done it. I finally joined “the scene” in my area. The kinky and BDSM community are so, so welcoming and so, so wonderful. I don’t know what took me so long.

Actually, that’s a lie. I do know what took me so long. My acute fear of rejection, my awkwardness, my nerves, my reluctance to go public, my fear of losing my job…. I had lots of reasons for waiting so long to join the scene, but I’m glad I decided to finally just do it.

I joined fetlife about a year and a half ago, and I’ve been lurking in the groups for a while, messaging with people and reading article after article after article. I learned a lot about myself, like how some of my perceived interests were actually conditional limits, and some of my perceived limits were actually interests that I was embarrassed or scared of. It was boring online, though, and I wanted to really talk to people.

So I did. I went to a munch at a cafe one clear-weathered Sunday and was terrified to an insane degree. I didn’t know who the kinksters were, didn’t know where to go, was afraid to introduce myself to the wrong people… God, I was even afraid I was going to eat too weirdly for people to deal with me. I’m just a bundle of issues, sometimes…

ANYWAY, I overheard someone name the group we were a part of, so I meandered over and introduced myself. Well, introduced myself as Cora, that is, rather than my legal name, but still. That counts. Right?

I had some amazing conversations with some amazing people, and I made plans to get together in some other public locations later on, one-on-one. I ate delicious food and had a delicious vanilla steamer, and as I was playing with my cup, someone asked me if I had a “little” side. So I’ve been thinking about that. That’s not what this post is about, though, so I’ll move on for now. More later.

We talked about TV shows and movies, religion and creation, science and math (and video games). We talked about families and rejection and accepting friends, and yes, we talked about kink. In a public place. Discreetly, quietly, and with polite language, but we talked of shibari, kinbaku, and suspension bondage with the same ease that we talked about Mario Kart and the cafe’s sandwiches.

I’ve since met even more people, gone to more events, and hung out in private with some awesome folks. I’m making new friends and expanding my social circle, all while being able to be open about my kinks and my interests without shame or fear. It’s been liberating, and it’s been exhilarating.

It’s been beautiful.

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