According to Cora

coryphee- (n) a leading dancer in a corps de ballet

The Salsa, Though

Beck from Beckandherkinks is having a HUGE blog-iversary giveaway of NINE toys! She’s been at it for two years now, and wants to celebrate by sharing the love with all of us.

I couldn’t possibly be more excited, because one of the items in the giveaway is the discontinued We-Vibe Salsa, which I have coveted for YEARS. It comes in white, which is elegant as fuck, and it’s smooth and rounded, unlike the tango. I like the pinpointed stimulation that the Tango and Salsa offer, but I prefer my toys smoother and rounder than the Tango, which has a flat, lipstick-like tip.

Among the other prizes, and also of interest to me, are LELO toy cleaner and lube (which I have and love), erotic literature, Spunk Lube, a glass plug with a tail, and nipple clamps.

But…. Salsa, guys. SALSA.

THE MONA GIVEAWAY OF MY DREAMS IS HERE

Epiphora has come to save us all from shitty vibrators with her massive 10-toy giveaway of Mona 2s!

#monaparty

And she’s just in time for vibe-ageddon, which is what I’m preparing for since my mother tossed my old vibe the other day. My current “vibrator” is my year-old silicone facial cleansing device by Foreo. It’s actually not half bad if all you want is a pleasant sensation, but it’s ergonomically designed for your face, not your clit, and it just doesn’t work for achieving orgasm or being used in conjunction with an insertable. My poor clit is feeling very neglected, because I’d gotten used to blended orgasms but now I’ve been reduced to high-effort g-spot orgasms. God, it’s awful, I know.

ANYWAY.

Epiphora’s giveaway is both a raffle and a contest. 5 of her entries will be randomly selected with a classic giveaway widget, where you can earn entries by tweeting about the giveaway, subscribing to her feed, following her on twitter, etc. However, the other 5 will be earned, not won, in a way. Epiphora will choose a winner for the most creative artistic representation of the Mona, a winner for best tweet, and two winners for “best sob story” (read: the most convincing reason to need a Mona 2).

The 10th Mona will be won during Epiphora’s hour-long #monaparty on twitter. At 4pm PST (7pm EST), Epiphora will spend an hour with us all on twitter asking trivia questions based on Lelo’s product page, her initial review, and her post about the glory of having two back-up Monas. Study up, folks!

Fucking Life, Man.

So a quick update:

I am no longer qualified for the full-time job I’ve been exceptionally good at for the past 2.5 years because I don’t have a bachelor’s degree. Substitute teaching apparently requires an education degree now? Because you should totally have to have a bachelor’s degree to work for $12/hour, 30 hours a week, with no guarantee of work and with no benefits. THAT makes sense. (If you can’t tell, my eyes are rolling into the back of my head so hard that I’m seeing stars.)

I’ve since lined up 2 part-time retail jobs, but I’m getting negligible hours scheduled because that’s just my luck. I’ve also been in 2 separate not-at-fault car accidents recently, both involving blind driveways. My car was totaled in the second accident, and I had to go emergency car shopping.

Basically I have terrible luck, and I’m now broke as fuck. I can’t buy any more toys to review, so this blog will just be ramblings and miscellaneous thoughts for a while. I’m stuck living at home longer, because what I’d been saving for a down payment on a lease had to be spent on a car, and what I’d been saving for a Mona 2 was spent on taxes, charges, & fees for the car. And, unfortunately, I can’t afford the gas to travel to kink events anymore, so I’m only active on fetlife now. I really, really miss everyone. A lot. /sobs/

My parents agreed to allow me to have a lock on my door before I can get an apartment, but the one they bought is one of those dinky push locks that are easily unlocked with a bobby pin. So of course, they can snoop anytime they want. And let me tell you, they’ve snooped, alright. They threw out my lingerie, my butt plug, and my old CalExotics vibrator (good riddance). They couldn’t find my nice dildos (thank god) because I have them hidden in hollow books, but the vibe and plug were under my pillow and were immediately sniffed out. You’d think that at age 22, they’d be more respectful of my adulthood and my privacy, but nope. They still have parental blocks on the server, and they still go through our shit and act like they own it all. Luckily I have my hollow books and my own data plan, so I can still get up to my porny shenanigans without stirring up too much discord.

A few other big things have happened, more emotional than logistical (I came out to myself as queer, I might be a little poly if the right people came along, I don’t want to have kids, I want to be celibate…), and those will get their own post. It’s all been kind of a lot for me though, so please, bear with me as I muddle through this next mediocre chapter of my life.

An Imagined Future

There are days you come home from work angry.  I see the furrow in your brow and dampen immediately; you want to fuck me hard, or I happily volunteer to relieve some of your stress for you.  You need the catharsis, the release, the physical expression of your pent-up frustrations from the day.

There are days you come home bleary-eyed and exhausted.  I brew you a pot of steaming tea, rub your feet, and we lie in bed for hours.  I distract you with tales of my day, and eventually you tell me about yours or fall asleep in my arms.  Sometimes we make love slowly, languorously, as our bodies slow down from the day.

There are days that you come home angry again, and I think you want to fuck.  You stop me, and say, “I want to make love tonight.”  I can hear it in your voice; I am a refuge, a well of affection.  I am the antithesis of your boss, your annoying coworker, who belittle you as a bug beneath their feet.  I admire you, need you, adore you.  You need to be loved tonight.

And then there are the days that you come home blank faced.  You don’t know what you want or what you need, so we don’t make love.  We don’t fuck, we don’t discuss anything.  You sit on the couch or in bed, pretending your day went well so that you won’t have to talk about it, so I take your hand.

You are my rock, my protector, and I love you for the man that you are.  I need you, and you are strong for me when I fall apart.  But I am your protector as well.  You, too, have given me your heart, and I become a wall around you.  I cherish you, value you.  You are allowed to be vulnerable with me; I will not judge you, I will not think any less of you.  Your weakness makes your strength that much greater.  It magnifies what I already know to be true of you.

I take your hand and pull you to bed.  I fold myself around you, drawing your head to my breast.  You need to feel my heartbeat, and I whisper “that’s yours”.  My fingers twist in the locks of your hair, and they roam over you, ghosting whisper-soft along your arms, your back, your hands.  I twine my fingers with yours, and we lie silently together, waiting this out until sunrise.

Together.

Sex Ed in Kindergarten

As an educator-in-training, I encounter situations constantly where adults disrespect children’s bodily autonomy, especially in younger years.

“Say you’re sorry, then give him a hug…”
“High five! No, I said high five, you need to follow directions…”
“Hold my hand now…”

While I understand that the intent behind it isn’t negative, and holding hands while crossing the road is obviously a safety precaution, the end result is overwhelmingly disturbing to me. When children aren’t allowed to say “no”, they become adults who can’t say “no”. I know that was the case for me; it’s always hard for me to advocate for my own personal space in situations where people aren’t sensitive to it, because I was taught for so long to “follow directions” and “be polite”. It becomes ingrained in us as members of a culture that touching is a given, that pronouns are a given, that we must obey others’ demands of our space and our bodies, however innocuous. It becomes less innocuous when that mentality turns into assuming that “not saying no” is the same thing as a yes.

In a kindergarten classroom today, the teacher has a routine greeting where the kids go around the room and say to one another “hello hello hello [name], how are you?” and the designated response is “I’m fine, I’m fine, and I hope you are too.” Children’s genuine feelings and states of mind are ignored in favor of a mindless chant, and “I’m fine, how are you?” becomes the automatic response of adults when asked “How are you?”

That’s the precursor to not being able to say no. If we aren’t given space or opportunity to say whether we’re uncomfortable, nervous, upset, or otherwise “negatively”, then we lose authenticity. Authenticity is itself honest, and consent MUST be honest to truly be consent.

When I was working with a group of preschoolers as a student teacher, we practiced situations where we would want to say no. I asked the teacher to model with me a situation where someone asked me for a hug and I politely declined, then had to reiterate more forcefully with, “I said no.” We modeled turning down a high five, asking for a hug or high five and not being upset when someone declined, and other similar situations, and then the kindergarteners got to practice deciding whether they actually wanted a hug or not. Whenever I see students touching one another, however innocent, I check in to make sure they had explicit permission, encouraging students to advocate for each other and for themselves.

People say that anything younger than middle school or junior high is too young to begin sex ed. I laugh at them, because consent is the first and most important part of sex ed, and it’s appropriate for all age groups but is hardly ever explicitly addressed. I so hope that my generation and the next generation of teachers decide to change that. For now, I’m just starting wherever I can.

Taking the Plunge

So…. I did it. I’ve done it. I finally joined “the scene” in my area. The kinky and BDSM community are so, so welcoming and so, so wonderful. I don’t know what took me so long.

Actually, that’s a lie. I do know what took me so long. My acute fear of rejection, my awkwardness, my nerves, my reluctance to go public, my fear of losing my job…. I had lots of reasons for waiting so long to join the scene, but I’m glad I decided to finally just do it.

I joined fetlife about a year and a half ago, and I’ve been lurking in the groups for a while, messaging with people and reading article after article after article. I learned a lot about myself, like how some of my perceived interests were actually conditional limits, and some of my perceived limits were actually interests that I was embarrassed or scared of. It was boring online, though, and I wanted to really talk to people.

So I did. I went to a munch at a cafe one clear-weathered Sunday and was terrified to an insane degree. I didn’t know who the kinksters were, didn’t know where to go, was afraid to introduce myself to the wrong people… God, I was even afraid I was going to eat too weirdly for people to deal with me. I’m just a bundle of issues, sometimes…

ANYWAY, I overheard someone name the group we were a part of, so I meandered over and introduced myself. Well, introduced myself as Cora, that is, rather than my legal name, but still. That counts. Right?

I had some amazing conversations with some amazing people, and I made plans to get together in some other public locations later on, one-on-one. I ate delicious food and had a delicious vanilla steamer, and as I was playing with my cup, someone asked me if I had a “little” side. So I’ve been thinking about that. That’s not what this post is about, though, so I’ll move on for now. More later.

We talked about TV shows and movies, religion and creation, science and math (and video games). We talked about families and rejection and accepting friends, and yes, we talked about kink. In a public place. Discreetly, quietly, and with polite language, but we talked of shibari, kinbaku, and suspension bondage with the same ease that we talked about Mario Kart and the cafe’s sandwiches.

I’ve since met even more people, gone to more events, and hung out in private with some awesome folks. I’m making new friends and expanding my social circle, all while being able to be open about my kinks and my interests without shame or fear. It’s been liberating, and it’s been exhilarating.

It’s been beautiful.

Very Important Penis, Supersoft Edition

I can’t contain my excitement about this toy even though it’s only mediocre for me. Let me count the ways this toy brought light into my life….

1) I got it in the Tantus closeout section for $40. Hello, amazeballs deal!

2) Jenna at Tantus kindly switched my toy from black to cream when I tweeted that I was sad that I got my toy after the cream ran out of stock. She emailed me personally and made sure that everything was ironed out so that I could get the toy I really wanted, and I’m so grateful, even a year later, because I love dildos that mimic my skin tone. Sometimes I take this out to use it and send silent thanks to Jenna because I can pretend it’s my dick. …/sashays around the room in joy/

3) This toy s the first toy to make me squirt! It happened! I never thought it would, but it did, and it was…. okay. Squirting isn’t as nice as a good blended orgasm for me, because I find it a little overwhelming in a bad way, but of course I had to figure out all the ways and speeds with which I could squirt, and it was always the VIP Supersoft that made it happen. I have since discovered that I can squirt without coming, and that I can squirt three times in six minutes. Huzzah!

4) Did I mention squirting? Because squirting. I feel like an accomplished human being now. Or something. Continue reading

Starting Up Again

Just about a year ago, I wanted to start reviewing toys. I didn’t get the chance to do that for personal reasons, but I can finally give it a go again, so here I am.

 

Reading my old reviews, I want to cringe, but that’s to be expected, because they’re older than a year now (and I was reviewing for Eden Fantasys…/facepalm/) The Vamp review and the Lulu Satin Scoop review are from this week, but I’m going to need some more practice before I get my reviewers’ voice down pat. I guess we’ll see where this goes for me. Next step: catch up on toy reviews (upcoming: tantus VIP supersoft, tantus acute, tantus alumina revolve, couture collection liberte vibe) and grab myself some new toys (hopeful additions: Leaf life+, We-vibe salsa, Tantus O2Mark, and the Funfactory Gigolino).

 

See you back here soon!

Vamp Up The Pleasure

The Vamp in Ivory

Folks, I may have almost found my penis soul mate. I am flat-out obsessed with my Vamp and have been since around the 5th use.

I say the 5th use because the Vamp took some warming up for me to use at first; I was intimidated, to say the least. It has very little give or flexibility, and at 5 in. circumference and 6.5 in. long, it’s considerably sized for my petite frame. Continue reading

Wave Wand by WHK GmbH (whatever that means…)

Glass Perfection

This is the perfect beginner’s toy. It’s a little small, and might be underwhelming for some, but I find it perfect for my petite frame. If you’re looking for something simple that’s able to give you plenty of pressure, but you’re intimidated by the size, bells & whistles, or shapes of other toys, then this is without a doubt the toy for you. And it’s a perfectly reasonable price for such a powerful tool! Continue reading